Office by Alex Penny
Your unique guide to London’s #untaggable food haunts with The Food Busker.
1. City and Colour- Hello, I’m In Delaware.
2. The All-American Rejects- Straightjacket Feeling
3. Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek
4. Brand New- Play Crack The Sky
5. Death Cab For Cutie- A Lack of Color
6. Explosions in the Sky- First Breath After Coma
7. Fall Out Boy- Golden
8.Jeff Buckley- Hallelujah
9. Lovedrug- Everything Starts Where it Ends
10. Mae- Skyline Drive
11. Secondhand Serenade- Why
12. Something Corporate- Globes and Maps
13. Saosin- You’re Not Alone [Piano Version]
14. Dashboard Confessional- The Shade of Poison Trees
(via astrologay)
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better” this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. If she is say “you better be” , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy’s and Asian ladies.
7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure she’s looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fuck you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because I can.”
9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she’s cold…and not by giving her your jacket… then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop b*tching about the cold right now you’re going to be b*tching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn’t girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she’s fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she’ll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say “No she’s not hungry”. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts… and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I’m talking about.
22. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she’ll think you’re mysterious.
23. Remember her birthday but don’t get her something. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she’s coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don’t like this one that much but I think it’s funny.
25. If she’s mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you’re going to tell her a special surprise. Now she’ll be really excited. Now don’t call. That’s also quite funny(via BJ Magazine Blog)
Obviously, this is meant to be humorous.
LMAO!
Amazing.
buenisimo las minas no se me van a resistir siguiendo estos consejos
(via somehowsomeway)
Hey, this post may contain adult content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.
(Source: thehumortrain, via nothingcorp)
Steal Like An Artist - Promotional Poster.
You don’t need to be a genius, you just need to be yourself. That’s the message from Austin Kleon, a young writer and artist who knows that creativity is everywhere, creativity is for everyone. A manifesto for the digital age, Steal Like an Artist is a guide whose positive message, graphic look and illustrations, exercises, and examples will put readers directly in touch with their artistic side.
When Mr. Kleon was asked to address college students in upstate New York, he shaped his speech around the ten things he wished someone had told him when he was starting out. The talk went viral, and its author dug deeper into his own ideas to create Steal Like an Artist, the book. The result is inspiring, hip, original, practical, and entertaining. And filled with new truths about creativity: Nothing is original, so embrace influence, col- lect ideas, and remix and re-imagine to discover your own path. Follow your interests wherever they take you. Stay smart, stay out of debt, and risk being boring—the creative you will need to make room to be wild and daring in your imagination.
(via betype)
When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.
1: Tell her she is beautiful and mean it.
Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you’ve got the world’s most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she’s going to worry about how you like her body. Tell her it’s beautiful, tell her which parts you like best, tell her anything, but get her to trust you enough to let you down between her legs.
#2 Stop and appreciate her unique flower
Now stop and look at what you see. Beautiful, isn’t it? There is nothing that makes a woman more unique than her pussy. I know. I’ve seen plenty of them. They come in all different sizes, colors and shapes; some are tucked inside like a little girl’s cunnie and some have thick luscious lips that come out to greet you. Some are nested in brushes of fur and others are covered with transparent fuzz. Appreciate your woman’s unique qualities and tell her what makes her special.
#3 Women are more verbal: Talk to her beautiful pussy
Women are a good deal more verbal than men, especially during love-making. They also respond more to verbal love, which means, the more you talk to her, the easier it will be to get her off. So all the time you’re petting and stroking her beautiful pussy, talk to her about it.
#4 Lick her outer lips, inner lips and find her clit
Now look at it again. Gently pull the lips apart and look at her inner lips, even lick them if you want to. Now spread the tops of her pussy up until you can find her clit. Women have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn’t mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm. All it means is more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.
#5 Whenever you touch a woman’s pussy, make sure your finger is wet
Whenever you touch a woman’s pussy, make sure your finger is wet. You can lick it or moisten it with juices from inside her. Be sure, by all means, to wet it before you touch her clit because it doesn’t have any juices of it’s own and it’s extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it’s dry and that hurts. But you don’t want to touch her clit anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused, her clit is too delicate to be handled.
#6 Tease her & approach her pussy slowly
Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is her most tender spot. Lick it, kiss it, make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her pussy, then float away. Make her anticipate it.
#7 Play with her
Now lick the crease where her leg joins her pussy. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it to further excite her. After you’ve done this to the point where your lady is bucking up from her seat and she’s straining to get more of you closer to her, then put your lips right on top of her slit.
#8 Kiss her, gently, then harder
Kiss her, gently, then harder. Now use your tongue to separate her pussy lips and when she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of pussy flesh. Gently spread her legs more with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you’re about to eat must be done gently.
#9 Tongue-fuck her
Tongue-fuck her. This feels divine. It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants some attention given to her clit. Check it out. See if her clit has gotten hard enough to peek out of it’s covering. If so, lick it. If you can’t see it, it might still be waiting for you underneath. So bring your tongue up the top of her slit and feel for her clit. You may barely experience it’s presence. But even if you can’t feel the tiny pearl, you can make it rise by licking the skin that covers it. Lick hard now and press into her skin.
#10 Work her tip of the iceberg
Gently pull the pussy lips away and flick your tongue against the clit, hood covered or not. Do this quickly. This should cause her legs to shudder. When you sense she’s getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an O and take the clit into your mouth.
Start to suck gently and watch your lady’s face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she digs it, suck even harder. Go with her. If she lifts her pelvis into the air with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her, don’t fight her. Hang on, and keep your hot mouth on her clit. Don’t let go. That’s what she’ll be saying too: ‘Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!’There’s a reason for that, most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who’s a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.
#11 Finger-fuck her with TWO fingers
But back to your pussy eating session…There’s another thing you can do to intensify your woman’s pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she’s enjoying your clit-licking talents. Before, during or after. She’ll really like it. In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area at the roof of her vagina. This is what you rub up against when you’re fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking.
Take two fingers. One is too skinny and three is too wide and therefore can’t get deep enough. Make sure they’re wet so you don’t irritate her skin. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Fuck her with them rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing.She’ll let you know what to do. If you’re sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you’re giving her far more stimulation than you would be giving her with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she’s getting high on this. If there’s any doubt, check her out for symptoms.
#12 Get to know her orgasmic symptoms to become even better
Each woman is unique.
- You may have one who’s nipples get hard when she’s excited
- or only when she’s having an orgasm.
- Your girl might flush red or
- begin to tremble.
Get to know her symptoms and you’ll be a more sensitive lover.
#13 Don’t let go of her clit when she starts to orgasm – The Multi-Orgasmic Woman
When she starts to have an orgasm, for heaven’s sakes, don’t let go of that clit. Hang in there for the duration. When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, press your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Move your tongue in and out of her cunt. If your fingers are inside, move them a little too, gently though, things are extremely sensitive just now.
If you play your cards right, you’ll get some multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she’s had an orgasm. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at 56 orgasms at one sitting. Do you know what effect you would have on a woman you gave 56 orgasms to? She’d be yours as long as you wanted her.#14 The cherry on the cake
Some women like to have their man rub and enter their anal section with their finger while they are being eaten out!
#15 After the orgasmic wave: Keep making love to her quietly
The last advice I have for you is this:
After you’ve made her come, made her your slave by giving her the best head she’s ever had, don’t leave her alone just yet. Talk to her, stroke her body, caress her breasts. Keep making love to her quietly until she’s come all the way down. A man can get off and go to sleep in the same breath and feel no remorse, no sense of loss. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few moments after sex.
Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover’s signals, and most of all, enjoy yourself.
(via mypleasuregirl)
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Stephanie + Marcus ~ http://www.marissamaharaj.com